Saturday, April 18, 2009

Can we still be friends? An open letter to yahoo mail.

A Terrible Break UpImage by This Is A Wake Up Call via Flickr
Dear Yahoo,

I remember the day I got my own free Yahoo mail account. I was working in a dismal windowless office, I was pregnant with my firstborn, and it was the roaring nineties. I was excited to have an email address I could use during my upcoming maternity leave. I owe you one for that gift of adult companionship during the early days after childbirth and the ability to stay in touch with my coworkers and keep my career perking along.

I'll admit, at first I was unfaithful to you. I was seeing Excite regularly then, too. But Excite couldn't compare to you. Excite just didn't have your staying power, your endurance. So I left Excite and we started to spend more time together. I had work emails, but those come and go - and a girl's got to make a living. I always came back to you.

10 years later, I've matured and you have regressed. Each day I notice more and more flashy bling, childish distractions, animated annoyances and, heaven for-fend, intrusive fly-overs and peel-backs. I came to you for your mail-ness, the sweet and simple way you delivered on your promises and catered to my needs. Lately, your friends are trying to butt into our intimate relationship. I get emails, badly misspelled and terribly misdirected, from people I've never met nor want to. I get chat requests, badly misspelled and terribly misdirected, on topics that would make a hardcore Vegas professional shudder in disgust.

You tried to change. You renewed your commitment to me with a fresh new ymail address and it was good for a while. But your new friends showed up again - the spammers and the chat-vixens - and ruined it again. And as much as I've asked, you won't stop being with your new friends.

I know you'll ask so I'll just answer here. The last straw for me was when you asked me to pack up my stuff at your place. I just kept a few things there, I can't see how they were in your way or bothering you. And it was nice to have a toothbrush and comb with me if we were hooking up for that night. But you asked, so I packed up My Briefcase and left.

So it is over. We're just in different places now. I'll still see you around, it is a small social scene so I know I'll run into you. You'll know how to reach me, and if things change for you - truly change, and you can show me - then let me know. So for now, I'm updating my facebook page to let everyone know we're No Longer In a Relationship.

Can we still be friends?
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